Staying Gentle In The Pain

Sometimes the hardest thing we can do is to stay gentle and tender in the pain. But it's also the most important thing. What can I tell you to give you the strength to be tender if you ever need it?

I can tell you that you deserve to have a warm and soft place inside of yourself, no matter how hard things are. There's no reason why most people in the world don't deserve that. I can tell you that you belong here with us all, in this mad and lovely life, regardless of what you love and who you love. The beauty all around us if for you as much as it is for anyone.

I can tell you that I don't know why the pain has come, but it does seem to come to so many people, probably all the people at one time or another. It's not myriad, for all that it has different degrees of bearability and comes in different coats. For some, it's illness. For others, it's poverty. Or a thousand different things. What, doesn't really matter. Pain is pain, and it hurts, regardless of its guise. You are entitled to call your particular pain quite utterly horrible. You are entitled to weep over it, and get a remedy for it. Even if it's all in your mind. Even if it's not as big, bad, ugly, as your neighbour's pain. Your suffering matters. Be your own caregiver, don't neglect yourself or laugh at your own suffering. Gentleness is the child of love. If you do for yourself what you wish a nurse might do, or a thoughtful counsellor, then it will help you cope better with the pain.

I can also tell you that I love who you were meant to be in this world, and the beautiful gifts you bring to share with us. You don't deserve to become the pain's creature. Stay true to your soul, as much as possible. Your birthright of tenderness dwells in there. If you must throw the pain from you, do it safely, so as to not hurt anyone else. Throw it into water, into softness, into the fire, into a scream. Get that pain away from you if you can. Just don't throw away bits of your beautiful self with it.

I am sorry if you're in pain. I hope it passes soon, leaving you tempered, wise, gentled.

photo fabrizia milia


  1. Your words always speak so deeply to me. I have been writing a lot about pain recently, and this is just so beautiful and honest and inspiring. <3 Thank you.

  2. Truly beautiful, thank you x

  3. kind and wise. especially since most of us are the only nurse we are going to get, short of needing actual surgery... i am learning (finally) to ask for help on occasion.


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