3.3.18

In the Garden With My Ghosts

I'm sitting in my garden watching the full Gathering Moon rise. I keep trying to think of descriptions for it, tiny poem words I can put on twitter, but honestly it's too wild and lovely to write down. All my ghosts are sitting here with me, including the barefoot teenaged me, the me that used to roam midnight streets looking for the boundary of dreams (always on the horizon), the me that made fleece fairies and wrote stories of elves. Without them, I'd be alone tonight.




Two hundred metres south, something discordant with the night is pacing the main road. I can't see it because of the bend in my road, but I can feel the serrated energy. Maybe it's just the traffic, or maybe it's one of the mad folk who live in the little woods, whose nests I have hurried past, and voices I have heard moaning across the water, scattering swans. My eye keeps being drawn in that direction, so there's something, and I stay close to my door. To the north, rainclouds are gathering. It won't rain though. It seldom does anymore.

So the moon is wild and lovely - but all the stars seem wrong. There's part of the Southern Cross, but it's upside down, and the rest of it has gone. Maybe the wind has scattered them. Or scattered me. Its sea-salted voice is gentling beneath those broken constellations, as if saying that nothing has to be exact any more, including me. I remember this is why I will not cut my hair - so the wind can go through it and bring me to wild peace. Almost it works tonight. Almost.

I wonder how many nights in my life I've sat alone in gardens, sighing, crying a little, thinking the world could break at any moment. I wonder if other people do it too.



art by lucy grossmith

8 comments:

  1. they do...they absolutely do.

    i sit on my porch at night, looking for stars, looking for the moon, listening. everything seems unbearably fragile sometimes.

    interesting to think now that there are others dotted about the world, doing the same, perhaps feeling this...

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    1. I'm glad I wrote it then, so you know, and I know now too about you <3

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  2. The moon was so wild and bright last night here too - full moon - bringing on dreams and hopes!

    Love your writing.

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  4. Yes to sitting with ghosts, wondering about serrated energy just out of sight and knowing what it feels like to be scattered yet in place. You pull it together so beautifully that I can hear your words as if whispered nearby.

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  5. thank you for your lovely comments <3

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