wild and dreaming stories from the edge of the world


Be Brave and Gentle With Yourself

I can almost never afford to buy roses, so on days that I need them (and I'm sure many people have days of needing roses) I go to pinterest and look at pictures of them until my mind is full of all things roses. In some ways its better than having them in vases in my house.

Pink roses, white roses: a gentling of my inner vision.





Today I needed that. I had to do something very brave, and I had no alternative because there was no one to help me and the consequences of doing nothing were unacceptable. And so I was brave.

The actual doing was not particularly difficult. For all that I would never make a hardy farm woman, I can be practical when necessary. Where things got most difficult for me was afterwards. I suffer from anxiety, and sometimes the greatest courage comes from having to deal with having been brave. I was mindful to take care of myself, and when anxiety symptoms began arising to remind myself quietly that they were only anxiety symptoms, nothing worse. (One of the best things I ever did for myself was to learn the physiological responses to being alarmed, so as to know exactly what is happening and why, thereby not adding to the panic.)





I'm sitting here now in my softest clothes, drinking warm tea from my favourite cup, listening to music that will draw the stress out as gentle tears, and it's as if I have wrapped myself in roses. Writing this post is perhaps more than I should do today, but maybe it will speak to someone, and so may be worth it.

Imagine a world where there were all knights and no poets. Or a world where all that grew were hardy succulents, no soft flowers. Sometimes we have to be brave, whether we feel it or not. And for many people, sometimes can mean several times a day. How ever often, how ever big or small in other people's opinion, it's exhausting, overwhelming, and can even make us feel like we will break. Comforting ourselves under such circumstances is not an act of weakness. It is being an angel for ourselves ... holding our own hand ... giving ourselves roses.



10 comments:

  1. Today was similar for me. I had to spend time around a lot of people and go places that I don't like to go, dealing with strangers and feeling like every nerve was exposed with every sound and flash of light. Part of it is living with constant severe headaches and being extremely sensitive to sound and light. Mostly, it is being afraid of everything for no reason. I hadn't left my house, with the exception of a few nocturnal walks in the neighborhood) almost two weeks.
    Well, thank you for this, it is exactly what I needed to read (and hear). I'm going to remember the pinterest time for flower soothing time.
    blessings
    ~*~

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    1. ((Hugs)). I applaud your courage today. I don't believe people should always have to be brave and push themselves, but when bravery is called for I have hugs for anyone who manages it. I'm sorry you have constant headaches, that must be so very hard to live with. And all that anxiety ... I am itching to try to help you, but right now am just hearing and sending hugs.

      Next time I go on one of my own nocturnal walks I will think of you <3

      Warm blessings xx

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  2. This is beautiful. I often go to Pinterest for refreshment too :) x

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  3. Thank you for writing and sharing how you too struggle with anxiety. It's difficult not to get frustrated when small things are hard for me, and wears me out, when to others they're nothing, And yes, I feel I have to be brave often. Hugs!

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  4. Oh yes. Very timely Sarah. I have to do a brave thng tomorrw (my Monday) and *shiver* I am a bit beside myself over it. It is a scary and big and upsetting thing, which no one can help me with (because there is no one in my life who can or will act as my helper and advocate), it is part of a longer ordeal, involving much phone calling and paperwork, and fghting for rights, and pleading and ... and. It can be scary, to feel so small and alone. And yes, not doing, not striding forth, will result in very bad consequences. *sigh*

    {{hugs}} for you and prayers for all of us who are struggling with doing the hard and difficult things, and being brave despite it all.

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    1. I wish you strength and courage, and that all will go well. You don't only have to be brave, but to manage it with a severe disability. I wish you had public assistance there as we do here, community support workers who could drive you places and help you with phone calls. ((Hugs)) I will keep you in my heart.

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  5. wonderful that you have found ways to care for yourself and your feelings at these times. My sister sometime's has anxiety attacks. I gave her Bach Flower Rescue Remedy stress pastilles. They are so subtle, but at the sign of an attack she sucks on one and before she knows it she is soothed out of it.

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    1. Unfortunately some people have bad reactions to Bach Flower Rescue Remedy. A friend of mine had a paradoxical reaction soon after stepping onto an international flight - that was not much fun for her! I too can not take it. But for many I know they work well.

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  6. i hope that you are fully restored to tranquility by now. i suspect there are quite a few of us who have similar difficulties in doing things, often things that others find very ordinary and perhaps merely unpleasant. and i fear that what you had to do was more difficult than that...for myself, it takes weeks to work up to a phone call often, and i get terribly anxious about a weekly yoga class with disadvantaged children every time.

    i always feel rather tender about the ordinary courage of ordinary people just doing what needs to be done every day. it doesn't get celebrated, but it's no less brave and necessary for that. i wish i could send roses to you, but i too generally have to get my flower fix by looking at pictures...

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    1. "the ordinary courage of ordinary people just doing what needs to be done every day" ... yes, exactly. Oh and phone calls!!! Ugh!!

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