White Gold and Pearls

She comes in through my door bringing rain and the smell of gardens, the memory of long misty meadows. She smiles in that way she has. I tell her how good she looks and she won't hear it. (Women, why won't we hear it? We can believe our home decor and children and work presentations are good, beautiful, valuable - why not our hair, smile, face? We are made for love and to be loved.)

She goes out again what seems only a moment later and it's like she's been dancing around my heart. I've known her for decades, talked to her almost every day, and still this feeling - this being left with a smile. I feel like I could dance myself.

A small voice in my head tells me it was a good moment because I was part of it; I was smiling to make her smile. But I won't hear it.

The day is cold autumn rain and fierce summer cicadas. I am far away with the sea and old witches, and only tea is keeping me in touch with reality. I keep looking up and it's deep night and I'm sitting in the dark, needing to sleep but knowing as soon as I go to bed I'll think of a dozen things I want to be writing. This is the autumn and the summer in my heart.

I have added a new page to this website: a small collection of tiny poems.


  1. maybe we have a hard time believing that we are beautiful because it feels like vanity, a thing that women have been accused of for thousands of years whether they actually are vain or not. or maybe it is because we don't feel worthy, we don't love ourselves enough to feel the truth of a compliment. we measure ourselves by too stringent yardsticks, and question our worth too much.

    I believe that your friend did look beautiful. also that your time together was good because you were a part of it.

  2. New, new, new look here!

    And a picture of you! I don't think, I have ever seen one before. Unless it wasn't identified. Lovely lady, you are... But where is the white hair? It was probably taken, at a time, when you felt the wish to color it.

    We must learn to graciously accept compliments. To not have mastered this, is to still be governed by the Old Rules of Being a Woman.

    There, that ought to kick false modesty out of all the women, who aspire to their rightful place in the world.


    1. Old look renewed :-) I don't think this place has ever looked the same for a couple of months in a row :-)

      My hair is reddish brown with some silver strands in it - not enough for me! I was supposed to go grey at the age of thirty like the rest of my family, and it never happened. I haven't coloured it since I was 17.

      I totally agree with you about accepting compliments, whether you believe in them or not - it is gracious and kind to the other person.


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