sonder

I have been thinking a lot lately about how the internet is a wonderful opportunity for connection, and yet at the same time how easy it is for us all to forget that, behind the words, real people are living real lives. Recently someone made assumptions about me that were actually deeply hurtful. But when I got through the worst of the hurt, I realised I too make assumptions about my readers (and other bloggers whom I read.)




The bloggers' mantra is : consistency, consistency. As if we are all trying to package ourselves for easy consumption. But each of us is an actual person with complex thoughts, contradictory loves, and different attitudes depending on the time of day or angle of the moon. I would like to stop assuming that my "Christian homemaker" readers won't like ghost stories. I would like to stop assuming that my "writer community" readers won't have any interest in homemaking, homeschooling, mothering. And I would like to remember that, although my blog is usually described as peaceful, gentle, calming, my books are far from being sweetness and light, and people probably do understand that by now, and can navigate the difference between my dreamy blogposts and my darker stories.

One of these days I will also talk about photo sharing on pinterest and tumblr, and how the real person who took the photograph ... the real story behind the picture you're adding to your "blue board" or "pretty places board" ... is usually disregarded, to our great loss. But today is Friday, and I have to make some room now for my usual sharing of links ...





Stephen Mackey's art is beautifully strange.

Dawn writes about writing.

The sad long-term consequences of school bullying.

Steve Sagarin points out how advertisers tell children to hurry their growing up - and then tell adults to stay young.

The sacred work of motherhood.

On the secret agenda of the Mad Max movie (which I wish I could go see, but you know, I'm ridiculously squeamish. Such a shame because the trailer looks bloody awesome. Can't we have amazing car chases, grotesque villains, super cool heroes (of all genders), heavy metal rock band fabulousness, with no one getting hurt?)


And in the category of first world problems ...





sharing with friday finds

16 comments:

  1. I was bullied in the very earliest years of my schooling, by girls who I thought were my friends. Even now, more than 35 years later I feel an ache in my heart when I think about how cruel their words were and how deeply they have affected my view of myself over the following years.

    Having done a metric shitload of deep inquiry work over the years has surely helped me to understand (logically) that it could just as well have been someone else they chose to torment. It also helped me realise that I piled on weight in an attempt to 'hide' - as if being larger made me less visible (heh), so I can relate to some of what's written in that article.

    I don't have children so bullying isn't something I experience now in my direct family, though I am encouraged when I hear that our local Waiheke community of kids have a very healthy anti-bullying stance and that kids have other kids they can turn to for help and support (as well as supporting adults).

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    1. It's best not to get me started on the subject of bullying, or else I may never stop. I am glad you've gained insight into the damage it's done to you, and I hope so much you are healing and finding peace of mind. Bullying is my number one reason for homeschooling.

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  2. Your shots are wonderful! I guess the Internet is like real life - we are all too quick to make assumptions about people...

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  3. I love your first world problem :-) may I suggest a combination of old norse?
    ovarsilja - a combination of unaware and sitting
    or perhaps
    snuasvass - from the words to turn and sweet

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    1. oooh, I like snuasvass. It has the bitter sound necessary for such a moment - like a very discrete but very grumpy swear word. Perfect!

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  4. I have found that online interactions can be tricky indeed. I also was recently upset by someone's comments to me. I don't know whether it was a misunderstanding or thoughtlessness or whatever. But I do know it wouldn't have happened offline. I guess sometimes it is easy to say things intending one thing and without the benefit of voice and intonation they may be taken in a totally different way. In hindsight I can give the benefit of the doubt, but at the time I was hurt.

    Some days interacting online can feel like walking in a mine field, and I often wonder if it is worth it. But then there are the connections where there doesn't seem to be that friction - people just 'get' each other. The challenge is in opening ourselves to those people who we don't immediately connect with, I suppose. Thank you for your thoughtful words. x

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    1. I've been keeping a weblog for almost ten years and this week was only the second time I've had to delete a comment because it was personally attacking. Having said that, I really felt for the person and did understand where they were coming from. I also saw how they could misread what I'd written, misunderstood where I was coming from. I think its a shame that we didnt get the chance to sit down together and talk for real, I think we would have been more in sympathy than they realised.

      I'm sorry something similar happened to you recently. But I agree with you that there are so many wonderful connections made online - the chance to meet kindred spirits from all around the world - people I feel so blessed to know, people I'd never get to meet if it was up to mere local opportunity.

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  5. A beautiful and thoughtful post, as always.Thank you.

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  6. Great and interesting links, thanks for sharing and nice weekend!

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  7. These are wonderful Sarah! Thankyou! The bullying article made my heart hurt, but still, thankyou. It's a topic that clearly affects others deeply as well.

    I had read that post on annapurna living a few days ago and loved it - always a delight to discover my bloody friend enjoying and sharing ideas : )

    I am so sorry to hear that you have been misunderstood, attacked. And I get it - the complexity. The contradictions. We are so many things. Peace to you, dear Sarah. x

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  8. oh...oh very dear. Autocorrect has really decided to toy with my tiny mind! I meant "bloggy friend". So, so sorry! Not my intention at all! I do believe autocorrect is a moste wicked conspiracy! xx

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    1. Lol, never fear, I worked it out within a couple of seconds :-) Besides which, swearing doesn't trouble me. I was a fisherman's daughter and have spent much of my life surrounded by sailors. :-)

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  9. Such amazing reminders on this post. I, too, make assumptions- it happens instantly and often subconsciously and I don't even know I'm doing it til much later. I read a while ago that most people on the internet have the inhibitions of someone whose had a few, so it actually has helped me when I see upsetting comments to imagine those people at a bar, drink in hand- seems easier to handle and forgive? Maybe? I know this is a weird thought. It makes sense to me, though, because most of what I see online in communities and forums would never be said in person. I guess I like to think of them as drunk rather than mean!! (I'm talking about very mean folk). And oh, advertisers are always telling us we need to be what we're not, aren't they? That's the link I'm about to start with. May you be blessed with perfectly sugared tea from now on!

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  10. I've never been much of a "good blogger". I'm inconsistent with posting, stray all over the board in subjects and really, couldn't care less about "packaging" myself. But, this is the world we're now living in and that's why I remain on the edge of it all.

    Back when Pinterest first began, I was a beta tester and there were so few things to pin. I was manually going to websites I enjoyed and adding them, including all the necessary info. Alas, that's not what people do anymore and was my greatest critique of the website in its early days. But again, life in the digital world, eh?

    Thank you for your Friday links, they always make me smile. And thank you for your dedication to your blog and its readers.

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  11. Wow. What you've written in this post is incredible, Sarah. I have so many thoughts on this matter, but won't bother you with them... But this is one I'll be saving. <3

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    1. it wouldn't be a bother, I'd love to hear your thoughts.

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