I see writing as a gentle cutting away of layers to reveal the sinews and the slow longing of blood beneath. But I tend to have the problem of losing myself in those beautifully complex, tattooed, scarred layers. I think the words are important, the individual scenes. I will give up an entire book for the sake of retaining its ending. I just have.
My brother sent his two cents about my book debacle this morning. They were along the lines of "a tragic waste of time and effort" ... Which made me smile, because my brother is very straightforward. I shook my head at his inability to understand the politics involved ... and nodded my head at the waste of time part ... and within all that movement, something knocked free. And I understood myself again.
I had an intention for my book from the start. I had a clear vision. I let that slide away, let in something else I knew deep down could not be allowed. And once it was finished, once I was literally on the verge of writing a query letter, I turned around and said it could not be published, it had to be thrown away, given away - rewriting it would only ruin it.
But that's all resistance.
(Yes, Mel.)
It's the Enemy, fear.
I don't want to get into a long ramble about my lifelong issues with resistance. I have to hurry up with my day. But know this: I have sighted my enemy, and I'm not going to let her win this time. The combat boots have been put on, then pen sharpened. I am a strong woman (sigh). I will triumph over myself.
You know, I'd do anything for my girl. I'd bash through any inner resistance and try to find a way through any external resistance. So the question is, will I do the same for myself?
The anatomy of a spirit is fascinating, beautiful. The sinews of courage; the slow longing of holy blood. I must not get distracted and disempowered by the layers - all my scars, my wanted and unwanted tattoos. I must listen for the pulse that we all share beneath those layers, at the heart of things; the song of the universe.
Three is back after our holiday break. Please join me, Kelly, and Claire in photographing "anatomy."
Blessings and strength to you!
ReplyDeleteYES!!! Oh, thank God for brothers!
ReplyDeleteI hope you will fight for yourself, Sarah, you are so worth it <3
(To see your beautiful photos of flowers now when my world is nothing but white and bones--thank you!)
Oh so compelling! I can feel you girding yourself with your courage to fight for you - I can't wait to see where you go from here. Your words are so stunning. I have so much to catch up on. Soon. Soon.
ReplyDeleteYes, fight for yourself....please.
ReplyDeleteI sensed this and have just been reading and hoping. Quietly thrilled that you are going to engage with the enemy. Courage and faith!
ReplyDeleteThank you everyone :-) You bless me.
ReplyDeleteIf anyone can do it, it's you! Good luck, but you won't need it x
ReplyDeleteThe anatomy of a spirit IS fascinating, beautiful...thank you for sharing yours so I am encouraged to share mine.
ReplyDeleteThank you Kerri for all your words.
ReplyDeleteThanks Michelle :-)
love the first shot. that flower might just fly upward.
ReplyDeleteI think resistance to yourself is not as easy to other people. you cannot always know what you want until you look for it or something like that.
your words always makes me think and yet, I always have trouble bringing out those particular thoughts that your words provoke. perhaps it's easier to just read and enjoy your words.